Used Car Face-Off: Deutsche Muskeln 90's Techno Edition

"I love you but I've chosen hooning!" (obrut-2002)
02/06/2014 at 15:28 • Filed to: used car face-off B z3 M SLK AMG Mercedes BMW

Hallo Freunde,

on my way back home I came across a face-lifted R170 SLK 32 AMG for sale. Looking at it, this made me realize two things: Firstly, I had completely forgotten about that car. Secondly, the reason that I had completely forgotten about that car is probably because it is so rare. Before you go all "duhhhh it's an expensive sports car" on me, I'd like to say that I see my fair share of AMG cars around the neighborhood. C63 AMG, SL Black Edition, G-Class oh so many of them, hell there are even three or four SLS's in my barrio (two of them belong to the same guy, who liked the car so much that he decided to purchase it in coupé and convertible form). But R170 SLK AMG's - that is to say proper ones, not the cars with the AMG trim that produce an incredible 120hp- are nowhere to be seen. A quick look into my preferred online used car portal confirms its rarity. If you type in "SLK AMG" boom over a hundred hits. If you specify that you're looking for a 32 AMG, it yields a whooping eleven results!

tl;dr: Seeing this car on the street inspired me to do a face-off between the said SLK and the BMW Z3 M.

Before y'all go all "BMW wins", which was my first reaction too, let's look at the two contenders.

The SLK 32 AMG - The "FRAUENHAMMER"

( I will only look at the face-lifted version, because that's the one I saw today and in my opinion, it's the better looking car)

The SLK in general is probably the epitome of the "chick-car" - a term I put in brackets because firstly it's idiotic and secondly because I fear the wrath of cross-commenters from Jezebel - and it's the car that started the whole metal roof nonsense trend. Before we look at the intrinsic values, let's be shallow and judge the cars looks.
To me, the R170 sports a click-design language. For a long time I found it incredibly boring, until one day it made click and I saw what it really was: A smaller incarnation of the R129 SL, which I really, really dig. Also, I love the two bulges on the hood that remind me of the 300SL. All in all, I think it has aged rather gracefully. Now lets take a look under the hood. The 32 AMG is powered by a 3.2l V6 engine (hey BMW, remember when designations made sense?) producing a stunning 354hp at a pretty torquey 450nm at 4400rpm. I was actually surprised by those numbers. Sure AMG is not kidding around but this car is a pretty serious beast! It weighs roughly 1500kg which doesn't make it a feather-weight. Then again, it's a convertible with a metal roof, what do you expect? The car makes the run from 0-100 (that's km/h not mph) in 5,2 seconds. Cue in the Obama "Not Bad"-Meme!

The BMW Z3 M - The M-Version Of The World's Most Disappointing Bond-Car

Riding heavy on the retro wave and desperately wanting to have a piece of the 90s roadster market, BMW gave us the Z3. As already mentioned, the car will probably go down in history as the most disappointing Bond-Car of all time. Seriously, I can't think of ways how any future Bond car could ever reproduce or surpass this feeling of disappointment I had as a kid, when the Z3 rolled on and off screen without doing anything.

"Hey Bond, this is your new car! It has rocket-launchers and machine guns n'shit. It's so awesome that its power isn't measured in hp but in up. Yepp, that's unicorn-power for you. Good now that I've said my lines, this car shall never be seen again. Goodbye!"

Or so it went. Don't look back in anger.

In any case, my feelings towards this car were a bit roller-coastery. As a young lad, I loved it. Had that die-cast model of it and felt that there couldn't be a cooler car around. Loved the fake air-vents, loved everything. Then I became older and my enthusiasm for the Z3 began to fade. In fact there was a moment when I found the Z3 to be the most uncool car you could be found in - save for.... the R170 SLK. But recently the car has begun to grow on me and I actually really like the design of it again. It's looks aggressive and as long as you don't pick the sluggish 1.8l engine, it also has the power to back up its shit up. Obviously the Z3 M has the powarrz. The S54 straight-6 (before the facelift it was the S50 engine) produces 325up, thirty less than the SLK AMG and 350nm at 4900rpm. The same engine can be found in the E46 M3, also known around Jalopnik as "the golden cow", "god" or "OMG THE LAST GOOD BMW BEFORE THE BLOAT! WHY DON'T THEY LOVE US ANYMORE!! BMW HAS LOST THEIR WAYS". I've recently driven said M3 and can attest the complete and utter beauty of the engine. Motherfucker that's a wonderful, wonderful machine. Surprisingly, even though the BMW has the more conventional roof made of fine cloth (Terminus Technicus: HOW IT'S FUCKING SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!) the Z3 is about as heavy as the SLK 32, weighing in at 1450kg.

Final verdict: In terms of style, I love the Z3. Sure, it's not as pretty as the Z8 but that can be said about many things including: the SLK, the Z4, the Mona Lisa, Venice, Paris. Fuck, the Z8 is so unbelievably beautiful, I sometimes doubt it even exists! If I had to choose between a night with Scarlett Johansson and a night with the Z8 I'd go for the latter (Side note: I'm pretty sure ScarJo would do the same if it was the other way around, even if the car would be a rusty Triumph TR7 instead of a Z8 - probably even if there was no car involved). Back to the topic: I love the Z3 Ms retro looks and man do I love the engine underneath. On the other hand, the SLK is more subtle. If I pulled up next to you in one, you'd probably think I was weird or a German Schlagersänger which is a term that can be used interchangeably with weird. But boy, does it have the power. In a way it's a perfect sleeper car.

Which one is it for you, dear Jalops?

Maybe you'd like to ponder upon this important question to the sound of Blümchen? Of course you do!

DISCUSSION (8)

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > I love you but I've chosen hooning!
02/06/2014 at 15:38

Kinja'd!!!

PLAYER 3 HAS ENTERED THE BATTLE!

Porsche 968 for me all day, every day. Better handling than either although slower in a straight line. Transaxle with LSD in the rear plus a stout NA 4-pot up front. I'd get the clubsport package and the big brake kit to make it a real monster.

I love you but I've chosen hooning! > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
02/06/2014 at 15:42

I'll allow it because 968!

Textured Soy Protein > I love you but I've chosen hooning!
02/06/2014 at 15:42

Z3 M but only an '01-'02 with the S54, not a '98-'00 with the S52.

Party-vi > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
02/06/2014 at 15:43

Good luck finding a 968 CS for anywhere near the cost of an SLK AMG or Z3 M.

I love you but I've chosen hooning! > Textured Soy Protein
02/06/2014 at 15:44

Yupp. Apart from the better engine, the facelift looks better in my opinion.

Textured Soy Protein > I love you but I've chosen hooning!
02/06/2014 at 15:46

I don't care too much about the facelift. Also I was talking about the US models where the '98-'00 had the S52 with 240 hp from the US-market E36 M3. I'd be ok with the euro '98-'00 with the S50.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Party-vi
02/06/2014 at 15:51

I never said it had to *originally* be a club sport. It wouldn't be exact, but getting the handling upgrades and tossing things like the A/C and sound deadening would be fine for me. I'd keep the electric windows just out of laziness. But the rest I could probably do myself and at a fraction of the cost of an original clubsport.

Party-vi > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
02/06/2014 at 15:58

Good point. Carry on then.